Category Archives: Politics

JOYCE RANDOLPH – Trixie from “The Honeymooners” launches bid for U.S. Presidency in 2012.

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Joyce Randolph, known to TV lovers as Trixie Norton, the always patient wife of Ed Norton ( Art Carney) on the iconic TV show “THE HONEYMOONERS” has announced that she is throwing her hat into the ring for a run at the US Presidency in 2012.

Randolph, 86, is not letting her advanced years get in the way.

“I have been around and worked my way through a lot of things,”  said the still youthful actress. 

“I have suffered through the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor, World War II, the McCarthy era, the social unrest of the 1960s and the horror of the tragic events that changed all our lives on 9-11.  I think I can do a great job as President. 

The champagne-beige haired Grand Dame of TV offered a bit of a nod to Sarah Palin as well.

“I may not be able to hunt down a moose, or chop down a pine tree, and I’m long past my cougar years — unless you count the room service guy last night —  but I have the experience a gal needs to put some spunk back in the White House. My only regret is that Audrey (Meadows) is not here to be my runing mate. Her sister Jayne (Meadows-Allen) has said she would be happy to jump on board my ticket but I don’t think Jayne can handle the big issues.   She’s better at game shows.”

Randolph plans to run as an Independent because she thinks that both parties have had way too many chances. 

“I don’t like what’s happening in our country,”  Randolph fumed.  “If I see one more Democrat or Republican screw up — BANG ZOOM!”

Miss Randolph seems to be serious and we’ll see what happens when the primaries come around.  She’s already the front-runner in Brooklyn and in the New York City sewer system where her late husband worked for 37 years.

Marilyn Monroe regrets that she can’t sing “Happy Birthday” to President Obama today.

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The overhyped in death, sorta-slutty drug addicted Marilyn Monroe would have been 84 years old last June had she not had the misfortune of hanging around with the Kennedys and self-proclaimed acting coach guru Lee Strasberg.   Now there is nobody left to sing a breathy Happy Birthday to President Obama today — his 50th birthday. 

Some people thought it was undignified of Obama to appear on “The View” but what could have been less dignified than having that train-wreck Marilym Monroe singing Happy Birthday to President Kennedy back in 1962?  She not only was a mess at the time , (she died 2 months later) she was said to be fucking him and his brother too.  If that just don’t beat all. 

“I really fucked up my life,” said Marilyn from her house in the hereafter.  “The Strasbergs were sucking me dry of life energy and even today they make a fortune because they own the rights to my name — and the Kennedy’s, don’t get me started on them.  They had no mercy for anyone.  I heard that there are rumors Bobby had me knocked off but death is funny, you know.  One minute you’re there and the next minute you’re not and it all happens so fast.  I don’t know what happened. 

When asked about who she sees now that she is in the next world, Marilyn does not pull punches.

“I see nothing but assholes who used me.” said a still breathy Marilyn.  “Susan Strasberg hangs around because nobody ever told her that you can’t take it with you.  What the fuck does she think I’m going to do, die again and leave her my halo?

“The Kennedy’s came knocking but as soon as they saw my autopsy scar they didn’t come around anymore.  I mean, they should talk, right?  They’re all hacked to pieces with shit you can see on their heads and all.  Me, I look okay as long as I keep  myself dressed.  My face is fine.

“If only I had hung around with better people and not been so insecure I would be a nice old lady now and doing the shit that Betty White gets to do, but no, I had to get hooked on downers and booze and bad people.  This is why I worry about people like Lindsay Lohan because she reminds me of me but I didn’t eat pussy and I don’t think she really wants to either — but that’s how it starts.  You get people around you who pump you up and sweet talk you and the next thing you know you’re a dope addict and a lesbian — well not actually, but you don’t know what the hell you are.

“Yeah, so I am more famous now than ever, big whoopie, continued Marilyn.  “I’d rather be 84 and singing Happy Birthday to President Obama than to be where I am now.  There is nothing glamorous about this, believe me.  People try to copy me and re-copy me but they just don’t get it.  There is more to life than fame and beauty.  I could have had grandchildren and even great grandchildren by now, and these days 84 isn’t as old as it used to be.  Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a sink full of dirty dishes.”