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Politics

Frank Luntz Wins Worst Toupee, Hairpiece, Wig Of The Year!

” He should be issued a ticket for the wig he wore to the Republican debate in Iowa last night.  That looked like a head on collision between “Family Guy’s” Peter Griffith and Elton John.””     Benjamin Switchy – Wig Analysis of The World Co. Republican strategist and pollster and Fox News contributor,  Frank Luntz, is beaming today — or at least his hair is, because the Wig Analysis Of The World Co – (WATW) – has voted his toupee and overall look

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Did God Create The Universe – Curiosity — and I Hate Atheists.

“Did God Create the Universe?” is the premiere episode at 8 p.m. today of the new Discovery series “Curiosity,” which will also air on TLC and Animal Planet.  Twisted pretzel jerk-off, Stephen Hawking, will be there front and center just to make sure that nobody forgets him before he turns into a pipe cleaner and winds up as some first grader’s Mother’s Day Macaroni Clock.   Okay — it is annoying enough that one pawn shop show spawned another three pawn shop

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Sean Penn – Asshole – Cleaning The Poop For Hugo Chavez.

Living with cancer has pushed Venezuela’s fiery President Hugo Chavez to change his habits and diet, his governing style and even his outlook on life.   He has his good days and his bad days, but now his animosity towards the USA manifests only when he forces Sean Penn to change his bed pan because another blast of shit is about to come out of his smelly Venezuelan asshole. “Sean likes changing Hugo’s bedpan and diapers,” said a wealthy Hollywood plastic surgeon who

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Matt Damon — A Mentally Retarded Genius.

Semi-retarded actor and full blown asshole, Matt Damon , is making great strides at his new special school and recently he even voiced his opinions about the economy.  He even went so far as to get angry at a reporter who asked him a question about teachers and tenure. Not yet ready to face a world full of non retarded people, Damon was accompanied by his dutiful mom who has sacrificed so much so as to ensure that her mentally

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Minnesota Shut Down — Couldn’t Have Happened to a Dumber State.

From AP – State parks in Minnesota were barricaded, and campers, Boy Scout troops and everyone else were sent on their way.  No holiday for you! Heading into a holiday weekend in a state that savors its summers outdoors, licenses for fishing, hunting, trapping, boats and ATVs were unavailable for purchase. And all around the State Capitol — the place where all the troubles began — the streets were eerily empty and official buildings locked, plastered with hand-taped signs that

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Lindsey Piscitell — the great poet. The bard of Bryant Park

NEWS FROM THE FUTURE:  YEAR 2898 – HERE ARE SOME OF THE LOST LINDSEY PISCITELL POEMS –THANKFULLY THEY HAVE BEEN RESTORED BY THE DAMIEN ZONE’S TEAM OF RESTORATION SCIENTISTS.  There once was Glenn Beck on a blanket But I’m Lindsey and I am entitled to crank it…. Up a notch with my jug of cheap wine People now know my name so divine. Now I’m sober and I wish to hell that I’d drank it.   The Search For Appletini’s in Autumn The leaves are

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Lindsey Piscitell — And Other Undignified New Yorkers Owe Glenn Beck An Apology.

Glenn Beck, love him or hate him, has the right to sit in a city park and watch a movie just like everyone else.  We are supposed to live in a civilized society, but a few assholes and dickturds had to show their, look-at-me-I’m-a-hip-New York-liberal-stupidity,  by heckling Beck while he sat in Bryant Park watching an outdoor screening of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The 39 Steps” with his wife Tania and their children. Before anything happened, this is what the oh-so- sophisticated New Yorker Lindsey Piscitell

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How Many Years Will Blagojevich Get?

Now that the Blagojevich trial is over and he’s been found guilty on some serious charges, a lot of people are asking, “How many years in jail will Blagojevich get?”  It must be a lot because the usually slick and confident Balgojevich, buckled at the knees and nearly fainted as the verdict was read aloud in the packed courtroom. According to the legal help at TheDamienZone.com, Rod Blagojevich will probably get a little mercy from the judge because if you sum

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