A website dedicated to human stupidity and dumbness

Damien Zone

PATRICIA NEAL DIES at 84 – Klaatu. Mirada. Nikto!

Actress and alien enabler, Patricia Neal, who won an Oscar in 1964 for “Hud” and later fought back from crippling strokes, has died at age 84. She also nearly died when an alien robot tried to kill her in Washington DC way back in 1952. She survived when she remembered what Klaatu, the robot’s master, told her to say. “Klaatu, Mirada Nikto,” were the words that got her spared back then but when Gort came back she kinda forgot the incantation. 

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POLICE FEAR: “Sally Field tried to maim Doctor G. Medical Examiner.”

“Im just recovering from my injuries,” said Dr. Janet Garavaglia, known better to cable TV viewers as Dr. G. Medical Examiner.  “I was trying to saw off the top of a dead man’s head,” said Dr. G. “That’s my favorite part of an autopsy, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the saw to cut through the skull.  By the time I realized that something was wrong the saw kicked back and nearly cut off my hand.

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DNA test have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the man who brought us the Titanic is also the woman who brought us George Washington.   Genetic Scientists at the United State Institute Of Immortal First Lady Imposters have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that blockbuster motion picture director and producer James Cameron is really America’s first First Lady, Marth Washington. “It seems that Mrs. Washington  is immortal and over the past three several centuries she has had to

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Snooki has a new man and his name is ………. NICHOLAS DEBARTOLOMEIS  of Toms River, New Jersey.

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Seaside Heights, New Jersey police have found giant pea pods in the basement of the home shared by the MTV cast of “Jersey Shore”  and they belong to Snookie — an alien life form. DNA tests on the pods have proven that they are genetic reproductions of several muscular Guidos who have been reported missing over the past several years.  Further investigation by local authorities led police to a space ship that was hidden deep in the New Jersey Pine Barrens where

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Marilyn Monroe regrets that she can’t sing “Happy Birthday” to President Obama today.

The overhyped in death, sorta-slutty drug addicted Marilyn Monroe would have been 84 years old last June had she not had the misfortune of hanging around with the Kennedys and self-proclaimed acting coach guru Lee Strasberg.   Now there is nobody left to sing a breathy Happy Birthday to President Obama today — his 50th birthday.  Some people thought it was undignified of Obama to appear on “The View” but what could have been less dignified than having that train-wreck Marilym Monroe singing

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Sarah Jessica Parker Kidnaps Dee Snider and Takes Over Twisted Sister.

“I’m where I should have always been,” said the gay man’s and lonely fat girl’s true  heroine ,Sarah Jessica Parker from a recording studio on Long Island.  “I should have done this a long time ago.  I feel good.  The mole on my chin has grown back and my face is growing more and more abnormally long like the doctors told my parents it would when I was born.  I’m where I want to be.” These are pretty glib words considering that

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First they let Jack and Bobby get away with murder and rape and mayhem with Marilyn Monroe.  Then they were all for oil free energy but they didn’t want the wind required turbines in their water.   Now, despite years of animal rights activism and liberal politics  in The Bay State, the dopey people of  Massachusetts want the  happy and cute seals who have taken up residence on their New England shores —–TO DIE! This week residents were ecstatic to see great white sharks treading the surf at Chatham

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