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Damien Zone

Glenn Beck wants to take back America….to Nordstrom’s.

“Why not,” said the blockheaded Glenn Beck from the big mall at Alexandria, Virginia.   “Nordstroms will take back anything —  even if it is over 200 years old. There was a lot of hoopla over Beck’s recent rally in Washington, DC.  People thought he was doing this or that or that perhaps he had some great agenda but in reality all he was trying to “bring back” was the whole country because it didn’t fit him and he figured that Nordstrom’s

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Judge grants restraining order to pregnant Leonardo DiCaprio

 Leonardo DiCaprio has been granted a restraining order against a woman who believes she is his wife and is carrying his child — called Jesus. The “Titanic” and “Inception” star said in documents filed with Los Angeles Superior Court this week that he was frightened of the “delusional” woman and felt his personal safety was in jeopardy.  He also asserted that “he” was the one carrying the baby Jesus and that the baby was developing normally in the top of his

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God says, “I’m sorry I made Justin Bieber, Lucille Ball, Yoko Ono and Celine Dion.”

He’s been running the show for about 6 billion years and despite all that he has accomplished, God has remained elusive.  He has only communicated twice; once with Moses from a burning bush, if you buy that, and another time from the top of Mount Sinai — but nobody actually witnessed that. “I used to make a big show with lightening and rolling dark clouds,” said God from his throne in the hereafter.  “I  mean, if you look at the ceiling in

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Rare seabird, Barry Manilow, snares Steven Slater.

“I was so proud of my first wild catch, but I just couldn’t eat him,” said singer turned seabird, Barry Manilow.   “I was flying over John F. Kennedy International airport because I was visiting my mother on Long Island.  I looked down and I saw this fish jump out of an airplane and I caught it with my shiny new talons right in midair.  It is so cool to be a seabird.  You have no idea.” While Barry the Bird may have snagged

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George Bush and Barack Obama plan a shopping trip.

This cartoon has been written, produced and directed by TheDamienZone.com.  All rights reserved. Copyright 2010.

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Sarah Palin and Larry King talk about Dr. Laura and Mosques.

This cartoon is written, directed and produced by TheDamienZone.com.  All rights reserved.  Copyright 2010.

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TIGER WOODS FEARS: “Rory Mcllroy is a real life leprechaun.”

Most people who follow a rainbow find a pot of gold, but luck has been bad for Tiger Woods lately and when he followed a rainbow to its source, he found a leprechaun — an ugly one with golf clubs.  The leprechaun calls itself Rory Mcllroy and boy is it ugly! “It scared the shit out of me,” said Woods from an emergency room in Belfast where he was suffering from shock and hyperventilation.  “Since the whole thing with the chicks

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Abducted Cat Shows Up a Year Later, 3,000 Miles Away and addicted to drugs.

Jack Daniels, the nearly blind cat who vanished from a San Francisco SPCA last year, miraculously reappeared on a New York City street this week.  This is great news overall, but the downside is that he is now a dope addict. “I got involved with some fucked up people,” said Jack Daniels the cat from his temporary new home in New York.  “It’s a long way from San Fran to the Big Apple and along the way I got hooked

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