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Featured Across America

Gay Men Saved From Hurricane Sandy.

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Gay Men Saved From Hurricane Sandy. Gay Men’s Hurricane Services of New York City are hunkered down in their midtown offices, preparing New York City’s gay men for Hurricane Sandy.  “Mayor Bloomberg announces that all cruising areas will remain open,” said Dr. Benjamin Switchy, a representative from the the gay organization that finds shelter for gay and bi curious men during natural disasters. “We have been assured that the city will be equipped with condom and lube dispensing machines that are able to […]

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Governor Christie “Don’t Be Stupid” Plans to Fart Into Hurricane Sandy to Save New Jersey.

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“Don’t be stupid, get off the barrier islands and let me handle this the best way I know how — don’t be stupid.” [New Jersey Governor Chris Christie] In an act of selflessness and intestinal foritude, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is planning to pull down his pants on the beach in southern New Jersey, and emit a huge fart directly into the storm as it attempts to make landfall not very far from where Snooki and Mike The Situation once […]

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Hurricane Sandy Heading to New Jersey. Stops Big Movie Production.

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Hurricane Sandy is headed straight for New Jersey and there isn’t a single D-size battery left on the shelf of any supermarket.  Wonder Bread is gone and people have to buy the cheaper brands that do not help build strong bodies twelve ways.  Milk is in short supply as is bottled water and soda water.  One thing that might go unnoticed by the ordinary American is that film production on a long-awaited major motion picture being filmed on the beach […]

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LEFT WING LIE – TAGG ROMNEY AND VOTING MACHINES – NOT TRUE!

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Several left-wing news outlets are reporting on a financial relationship between one of Mitt Romney’s sons and a voting machine company–with some even implying that the relationship could lead to tampering with votes on Election Day to benefit the Republican. The only problem? There doesn’t seem to be any evidence of any financial relationship between Romney’s son, Tagg, and the company. Solamere Capital, an investment fund founded and run by Tagg Romney, is a financial partner with HIG Capital, a […]

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CANDY CROWLEY DIET? NO WAY? She starts her own line of clothing.

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Candy Crowley is cashing in on her fame as the debate monitor at the second Presidential debate by opening up her own line of hair care products and clothes for the woman with curves and fat and then some. “Candy looked kind of really really huge and her hair looked greasy and unkempt,” said fashion designer and health guru Sheldon Hartunis of the Hartunis Human Body Remake Company in Laurence Harbor, New Jersey. “She was far too wide and way […]

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EXPERTS DECLARE: Long Island Psychic Theresa Caputo is a fake!

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“ “If dead people are attracted to a frigging idiot like this, I hope there is no afterlife.” [Damien LeGallienne].   After gaining notoriety on her TLC show “Long Island Medium,” Theresa Caputo is the down-to-earth psychic that fans adore — but not Italian Americans. Most of them think Caputo is an annoying c’afone who hoodwinks people into thinking that she sees dead people. According to some viewers — reality TV viewers especially — this crock of shit with pesto […]

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Gay Marriage Will Lead to Enslavement of Humanity by Ducks Warns Homeschooled Teen

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 “Ducks always nest in pairs and if we allow same-sex marriage, then the ducks will have evolved further than we have.” Ipso facto an Orwellian dystopia will emerge, “with ducks more equal than us.” [Jasmine – a fake kid from New Zealand] Either the people in Canterbury, New Zealand are outrageously stupid and they don’t know a Canterbury Tale when they see one, or the people who write for their newspaper — the Northern Outlook — need to find another […]

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PAULY D WEIGHT GAIN ALARMS DOCTOR.

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PAULY D WEIGHT GAIN ALARMS DOCTOR.   According to sources, Paul D, the record spinning, muscle-bound Guido from Rhode Island who rose to fame on the MTV trainwreck, “Jersey Shore” has checked himself into a fat farm in Palm Springs, California to try and shed the 80 pounds he has gained since the show was cancelled. Fans and foes alike began to notice the huge weight gain about seven months ago, and for a few weeks it looked like Pauly […]

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