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Teresa Giudice’s Low Hairline and Forehead. One Scientist Believes She is a Primitive Human Species.

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Teresa Giudice’s Low Hairline and Forehead.  One Scientist Believes She is a Primitive Human Species

“I believe, after careful study of her head shape and her mental acumen, that Teresa Giudice is a primitive human species and that her acceptable face is only made possible by the fact that she has been trained to keep clean and to wear makeup and pass as a modern human. [Anthony LaVista MD PhD.  Anthroplogical Physician and Geneticist]

The “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY” star Teresa Giudice recently had a meltdown while undergoing therapy on the reality show where she is featured as the table-throwing maniac with no discernible forehead. Oddly enough, Teresa’s low hairline and her lack of an actual forehead, are the most probable cause of her mental instability.  Closer pics of hairline:  Down forehead TG

According to an Anthropological Physician in Rome, Dr. Anthony LaVista MD PhD, “Viewers are gradually tuning out Teresa and her show because her low forehead, or lack of a forehead, is causing some people to get physically sick or frightened. It’s natural for a child to look at a human face and be frightened because of makeup or a menacing facial gesture, but Teresa Giudice’s low forehead and small brain capacity strikes at the inner instincts of the human brain. The average person notes that Teresa has a strange and oddly low hairline but they don’t realize that this feature is what’s turning them away from her — and it’s also what causes her to be emotionally strange and unpredictable.”

Dr. LaVista continued:

“The shape of Teresa Giudice’s head and her brow, coupled with the low hairline, shows that Teresa’s fetal development was probably influenced by the genes of ancient pre Homo Sapiens and I would not hesitate to perhaps wonder if the ancient DNA of a Cro- Magnon or even a Neanderthal strain has been resurrected in her in spite of the fact that she is the child of what appear to be modern human parents.”

Dr. La Vista has been studying human development for nearly four decades and in that time he says that he has never seen someone so obviously primordial or almost Neanderthal as Teresa Giudice.

“It’s not out of the question. Recently in England, a black African couple had a white baby simply because the genetic information — the one in a billion chance — actually arose and the baby was born white. It was not a case of an Albino being produced by a black couple. The child was and is Caucasian. This could very well be the case with Teresa Giudice. Ancient genes — buried for eons — could have been called upon at that moment when the sperm and egg started exchanging genetic information. The odds of ancient and/or primitive DNA being brought back to life in human form, while outrageously rare, can happen.

“I believe, after careful study of her head shape and her mental acumen, that Teresa Giudice is a primitive human species and that her acceptable face is only made possible by the fact that she has been trained to keep clean and to wear makeup and pass as a modern human. Her behavior, however, is decidedly primitive and this is probably why she has a volatile temper and a simplistic view of the world in general. In other words, without anyone even noticing, Teresa is a cave woman who was born into modern society and has adapted herself quite well. This is quite an accomplishment because a primitive hominid species like Teresa would normally have an IQ of about 27-37 — which is virtually an undetectable IQ in a human being, but Teresa may be near 60 or 65 and that would make her trainable the way one can train a chimp or a dolphin to do tricks. I think it’s amazing and it makes me wonder if perhaps if an ancient woman had had the ability to make herself more attractive, the more primitive species of humans would not have died out as they did.”

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30 Comments
  1. This is amazing. I love it.

  2. It is amazing, Megan. It just goes to show you how nature can be often beautiful, but then turn monstrous. DNA is usually predictable but not in reality TV. My thoughts are with Teresa’s family and its DNA at this time.

  3. So glad to know it isn’t just me who thinks this.

  4. I just can’t help but stare at Teresa’s super low hairline whenever she is on screen….I would think that with all of the $ she spends, she would invest in some electrolysis on that freaky hairline-so distracting.

  5. As a person lacking the good Dr’s impressive credentials, I am delighted that he has corroborated my theory about Teresa the ape woman. I had thought she is a neanderthal – proof that they were integrated into modern humans. This info should be more widely circulated. The world needs to know they walk among us…

  6. Yes, Homer, Teresa has had x-rays which prove she has the pelvis of an ape/human hybrid which usually means the bones belong to a Neanderthal.

  7. She relay does look like someone from The Planet apes= yes an old Ape!

  8. She hates anyone more pretty and youthful than her? Haha!

  9. I loved this article. I can’t stand to look at her. Instead of spending money on her breasts she should have saved some for her face, especially her hairline. Her voice reminds me of Fran Drescher’s, at least Drescher was intelligent enough to know how to pronounce words correctly. Anytime anyone disagrees with Teresa she says they are jealous!?!? Of what??? Not her looks, not her intelligence (lack of), not her husband (the crook with the big gut, he’s so gross!). The only reason the Guidices are on that show us because they are such a joke. People can’t believe idiots like that exist in the world. I sure don’t know anyone like that. I quit watching the show. If attention wasn’t on Teresa, she’d find a way to make a scene. I hope she and her greasy husband are put behind bars for a long, long time.

  10. I am a hairstylist, and the first thing I noticed the first time I laid eyes on her was what a horrible hair line, its something that you cant change, unless you shave the hairline and that wont look too natural,it makes her look ape-ish, the least of her problems im sure.

  11. Please someone, tell me the truth because I’m becoming as dense as Teresa.Is this article for real or tongue-in-cheek, as I’M hoping it is? Or maybe I’m not.

  12. It’s real — I add my own snide comments, of course — but Dr. LaVista is very serious.

    Damien LeGallienne
    Editor

  13. The very first time I saw Teresa, she resembled a Neanderthal. I have never seen a person’s forehead that is only 2″ high from the bridge of her nose. I don’t see that is her brother or parents. Perhaps a genetic defect because that just isn’t normal.

  14. CINDY Q –The genetic anomaly was the point of the story and Dr. LaVista’s study.

  15. I find Theresa’s unusually low hairline to be incredibly sexy. The fact that she has very thick hair only adds to this. I can’t stop looking at pictures of her where her hair is pulled back.

  16. You must have a sexual attraction to apes and criminals.

  17. George is a monkey and lives with the man with the big yellow hat. Of course he’d be attracted to other primates. That’s only natural.

  18. I am a primate. I have learned something new about myself from my participation here. I also know that Theresa’s hairline is the sexiest one I’ve ever seen, and I can’t imagine another one even coming close. I didn’t need to learn this here.

  19. I think Teresa is a very attractive primate….as well as clean and loving to her family. I have seen apes at the zoo very affectionate to the offspring. She is the missing link in evolution.

  20. Suzette — you are a treasure.

  21. It looks like she has a beanie on all the time

  22. This is especially funny b/c I just described her in this way to my husband a few days ago when we inadvertently saw the shebeast on TV. We’ve never watched her show, but that did not afford sufficient safety. It was very unsettling.

  23. I also thought the article was a joke. I have never watched RHONJ but I have seen many pictures of Mrs. Guidice. I never gave her hairline much thought until today. I wonder what she looks like without her extensions. I’m sure I will find a picture somewhere on the internet. This is really interesting.

  24. One or more or the girls have similar hairlines her children

  25. Then they inherited the cave man gene from mommy the cavewoman —

  26. Pretty funny stuff here. And all I did to get here was plug in Teresa Giudice Hairy Forehead on my computer and ta-da! So glad I’m not the only person that noticed this about her. It’s fun to pick on people. So gawd-damn much fun.

  27. Thank you, Chelie

    It’s hard to get these scientists to make evaluations on ape-like mobsters because they think they’ll get whacked out. Sadly, DNA testing is not something one can debate.

    Damien
    (EDITOR)

  28. I came to the conclusion on my own that she kind of looked like a caveman. And I think obviously the poor lady has no real understanding of the things going on around her. I would say she either has a learning disability or somethinge that is wrong. I don’t think she is smart enough to be as calculating as most people think. I think she has a good heart and is clueless to what’s going on.

  29. Sorry to argue with you, Curious One — but you mean CAVE WOMAN. Let’s not insult the cavemen.

    Damien LeGallienne
    Editor

  30. I love this article.

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