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PAULY D WEIGHT GAIN ALARMS DOCTOR.

PAULY D WEIGHT GAIN ALARMS DOCTOR.

 

According to sources, Paul D, the record spinning, muscle-bound Guido from Rhode Island who rose to fame on the MTV trainwreck, “Jersey Shore” has checked himself into a fat farm in Palm Springs, California to try and shed the 80 pounds he has gained since the show was cancelled.

Fans and foes alike began to notice the huge weight gain about seven months ago, and for a few weeks it looked like Pauly D was trying to trim the fat, but now he is an unrecognizeable balloon.

“I was sitting next to him on an airplane and he had to get one of those seatbelt extension things,” said a frequent flyer who refused to be identified.  “I thought he looked familiar but I couldn’t place him.  When we landed in Palm Springs and some kids ran up to him at the gate asking him for his autograph, I was floored.  He must weigh about 300 pounds.  Didn’t he used to be thin and trim and really built —  like an Adonis?”

Other passengers on the commuter jet did recognize Pauly D and a few of them made public statements.

“I was traveling to Palm Springs where I was supposed to work on footage from my Bigfoot documentary, and also to meet with Joey Lawrence to talk about the release of our upcoming film project, “Seaside Heights Zombies” and so it was rather ironic that I would catch a glimpse of one of Seaside Heights’ most famous summer residents,” said Bigfoot expert and film producer Mildred Sclafani from an editing room where she and Joey Lawrence are putting the finishing touches on an 8-hour Bigfoot documentary.

“Pauly was very upfront with me because Joey Lawrence and I have worked with him both on “Jersey Shore” and on the film “Seaside Heights Zombies.”  He admitted that he could not stop eating and that while he was living with his girlfriend in Los Angeles, he stopped working out and he just kept eating and eating and drinking beer and lying around.  He’s thirty years old now and once you hit that mark the metabolism starts to decline.  He told me that he was on his way to a private weight loss facility in Palm Springs and that he hoped to shed 40 pounds by Christmas.”

Another passenger on the commuter jet was reknowned psychiatrist and author, Dr. Dean Traherne who was traveling with his sister Judith Traherne to a hospital in Twenty-Nine Palms, California, where she is being treated for a brain disorder by Dr. George Brent.

“Actually it was my sister Judith who noticed Pauly D first,” said Dr, Traherne.  “I am not a fan of the show but I have done psychiatric evaluations on many people who are indeed fans of the show, and naturally I know who the players are on Jersey Shore.

“As a physician I was taken aback by Pauly D’s appearance.  He has gotten far too fat.  As a physician, I am not prone to using the word ‘fat’ per se, but that’s the way he looks — plain and simple.  He looks bloated and fat, like a guy who is going over the hump of being young and buff to a paunchy older guy who is past his prime too soon.

“I also detected that Pauly D’s hair was thinning. His hair is his trademark, but carrying around all of that bioactive fat is not a good strategy for keep one’s hair after 30.  Fat stores the androgens (male hormones) that promote baldness, and Pauly still has a chance to hold onto his hair if he would lose the weight slowly.  I have heard these stories about rapid weight-loss clinics, but in my professional opinion, losing weight rapidly is a mistake.

“All the negative side effects of rapid weight-loss — gall stones,kidney stones, hair loss, sagging skin, loss of muscle etc., are greatly enhanced when one sets out to lose weight too fast.  A loss of two pounds a week maximum with plenty of hydration and balanced meals will have Pauly D back in prime shape by May and he will be all the better for it.  Trying to lose 40 pounds by Christmas is the wrong thing to do.  He might get away with it one time but odds are that doing something like that will start a cycle of weight gain and weight loss  — and the kind of fat that comes back really quickly when someone stops watching their diet.”

TheDamienZone has mentioned Pauly D’s weight gain before, but never in a million years did we think it would get out of control.  We thought he was just a little paunchy from an off-season of eating and partying.  Booze makes you fat too, and Pauly D, while not a drinker, does like to toss back beers and Long Island ice tea cocktails.  They have a lot of calories.

TheDamienZone thinks that Dr. Dean Traherne is right on the money with his advice to Pauly D.  But is Pauly D going bald like the doctor said?  We don’t know for sure but he’s the doctor so maybe he saw something we didn’t.

Good luck at the weight loss clininc in Palm Springs, Pauly D.

2 Comments
  1. LMAO!

  2. Pauly, you should spread the link to this story arund to your friends so that they tpp can get a good laugh and get you the help you need. As you know, laughter is the best medicine. I think for every 100 peope you share this link with, Facebook will come and take one pound off of you.
    Damien LeGallienne
    Editor

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