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Facebook Stock Up While Zuckerberg Laughs At Suckers Who Buy It.

A day after Facebook CEO and “I KILL ANIMALS WITH MY BARE HANDS  FOR MY FOOD”, Mark Zuckerberg,  broke several months of silence and spoke publicly at a high-tech event, the company’s stock registered its biggest one-day percentage gain since it went public in May. 

Sadly, it’s too little and too late for all the suckers who bought this shit stock. 

“You had to be a moron to buy this stock when it went public,” said Dr. Sheldon Hartunis of the World Stock Portfolio Concierge Guild.

“Facebook is fading fast and pretty soon they will be in court with so many invasion of privacy class action suits that they won’t be able to stay in business.  There is no future in owning this stock and the bump in price seems very articial and fishy to me.”

Shares of Facebook climbed 8% to $20.93 today, following upbeat remarks by Zuckerberg about the social-networking company he co-founded — but still insists that he invented himself because he is a one way street amd a little animal slaughterer who slits the throats of the animals he eats — because he is mentally sick and sweaty when you ask him to remove his hoodie — he’s a loony bird. 

In a 40-minute discussion with TechCrunch founder Michael Arrington, the hoodie-wearing Zuckerberg said Facebook is well positioned to aggressively pursue mobile advertising. 

“He wears the hoodie because he has some kind of dissociative psychological disorder,” said Dr. Dean Traherne of the Medical Studies and Fashion Trends Institute on Castro Street in San Francisco.

“He needs the hood to hide his guilt and shame and the zipper to hide his hidden sexually rooted desires to rule the world.”

In a far-ranging talk, Zuckerberg hinted that Facebook may get into the search business, but dismissed talk of a Facebook smartphone. He said he expects mobile-related ad sales to dominate future revenue, and predicted big growth for the company’s Instagram.  He does not need to bein the search business becase Facebook already knows, by means of all their sneaky privay stealing updates, everything you search for and everything you do.

Perhaps, Zuckerberg should speak more often: Facebook’s stock is still 45% off its IPO price of $38.  It will continue to drop as people realize that anyone who buys this is a sucker.

2 Comments
  1. Hi, MarkyPoo here from Facebook!! I’m with my good friend GayGay were going to dress up in drag and go over to my neighbor’s house to stab their animals to death so we can eat dinner tonight, mmm mmm yum yum i love to kill things, please like me on Facebook thankypoo.

  2. Loser from Buffalo.

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