Pauly D, the buff Jersey Shore DJ is getting as fat as a house. He recently showed up at a celebrity event all fat and puffy — his eyes were all puffed up and swollen because he has gained over 30 pounds — he claims (liar) it’s muscle from lifting weights like crazy.
“You don’t get a double chin and big fat eye bags from lifting weights,” said nutritional physician and body sculpting surgeon Dr. Dean Traherne MD of the Traherne Institute For Image.
“Pauly D looks like he has been eating a lot of heavy pastas with gravy and meatballs and he’s probably eating a lot of Italian bread with ricotta cheese. He has that Guido look where they go from looking youthful to being fat Guidos. About 80% of the time, this Italian weight gain just keeps getting worse. In 6 months Pauly D will be wearing long black shirts to try to look thinner — but sadly it’s too late. It’s too late.”
A source close to Pauly D added some inside information.
“Pauly D really looks like shit because he’s eating like a freakin gavone, said Italian insider Frankie P’Antico who works in an Italian deli.
“He likes the Rigawth (Ricotta) with the Shkavatoons and the hot saw-seige in the gravy with the meatballs and the bra-shawl. He eats saw-seige sandwiches too…like “tree” (3) or four o’ dem a day for chrissake. He can’t freakin stop eating. He’s all bloated from beer and all kinds of alcohol too. He looks like freakin shit. You can only drink so much and you can only eat so much but he can eat a whole box of shkafatoons in two minutes.”
EDITORS NOTE: Shkafatoons are a type of fat pasta. The actual name of this pasta has something to do with over-sized rigatoni, but Guidos have corrupted the word to shkavatoons — Shka – fah – TOONS’.
Also: Saw-Seige is a Guido corruption of the Italian pronounciation for “sausage.”