Just when I was finally content with the knowledge that nothing could ever be as grotesquely maudlin as the white trash CB Radio trucker Christmas song about the “Poor Little Crippled Boy,” god went and struck me down by bringing along something a whole lot worse. Now I have to start all over again.
I humbly submit for your approval, my take on the latest Facebook “share” sensation — the totally fake story about the poor little – but not crippled – gay boy who wrote into a poor little mentally crippled blogger. The sappiness is outweighed only by the fakeness. ENJOY!
Yes, now the gay folks — people who are usually pretty smart about being scammed on Facebook — have fallen victim to the latest hoax — and it was brought down upon them by their own kind. Yes, other gays, or, in this case, a blogging “daddy” who pretends to care oh-so-much about gay kids. (sigh)
It’s an amateurishly maudlin story (is there any other kind) about a mother who contacts one of those oh-so-caring simpletons after she stumbles upon an essay where her 15-year-old son comes out as gay after getting an assignment from his evil Christian teacher:
Don’t get nervous, folks. It’s all fake — totally. You will eventually see it on your Facebook page because we all have a few morons on our Facebook pages — people who like to “share” thoughtful and insightful….and FAKE stories.
This FAKE blog that some of your dumber gays and a few dysfunctional mothers who shop for craft supplies at “Michael’s” are spreading around Facebook, was written not to help gay kids or to bring hope to young people who grapple with issues about a budding sexual identity crisis. God no! Do not fool yourself into believing that for one second. No! No! No! It was written simply to blast Christians and to manipulate the social consciousness of the average person who is dumb enough to believe it’s a true story.
Are there gay kids who are sad because they are stuck in a Christian Fundamentalist school? Of course there are, but the story used to get that message across is fake.
There are gay kids stuck in Yeshivas and Mosques and Amish country too, but you will not read about that. Why bother to lend a hand to those kids when you can — Bash the Christians — it gets attention; mostly from other former Christians and the new Nazi atheist misfits who think atheism is a religion.
The only thing these people hate more than themselves is truth — but the self-loathing is a huge issue too. We can’t ignore that. One should have some degree of compassion for these idiots. After all, we are civilized beings.
The blogger, who I will not name because he’s a dick-weed of the highest order, forgot to write the story about the gay school kid in Iran who got his head chopped off in the street because he wrote a love letter to another boy. Nah –who cares about that atrocity? It’s so much easier to mock the Christians and get stupid people to pass along the link on their Facebook page. After a milion cretins share the emotional moment, and you make money off your fuktard blog, the damage is done. Don’t you just love the Bossa Nova, Dolores?
Anyway, kindly note that I am not directing you to the blogger because he is a complete jerk-off who needs a good what ‘fer.
I imagine that you’ll find him all by yourself, and then some of you will write me nice comments while others will say things like, “Are you off your meds?” or “You’re pathetic!” or “Do you write this from your mom’s basement?” — the usual stuff. If you’re gonna hate on me, BE ORIGINAL GODAMMIT!!!
And you know what really ticks me off? This blogger is the kind of guy who could, in all probability, cause a gay teen to kill himself. Yes! You think I’m crazy, but yes!
Some gay kid might read that fake story and say to himself, “Gee, my mother doesn’t care as much about me as that lady who wrote into the blog about the other gay Christian kid.” Then a few hours later the police are dragging the river under the Hooterville Bridge and people sob, “Why? Why?”
Of course, the blogger did not think about this when he invented the story or perhaps passed along the invented story. He only wanted to be viral on Facebook — and that’s all that matters. This kind of shit sooooooooo infuriates me.
Let me tell you people something. You might find my blog and read this, and then perhaps you’ll read through other articles in my blog and come away with the notion that I am some kind of idiot — I can accept that. I often TRY to be an idiot so as to expose idiots — not always, but often.
I am, however, a very professional writer for two major publications and I pretty much put absolutely no effort into writing this shit other than to research the basics I feel in my keenly perceptive gut, and I quickly write down the truth.
I work on this without an editor between real assignments, and I will probably write this entire piece in about 5 minutes ( it took me nearly 7 because I had to calm down).
The point about being a good writer, a really good one like me, is that you can easily spot when other writers are simply competent or ordinary. In this case it was obvious. The writer who pulled this stunt (playing both the part of the mother and the gay teen) can write well enough for a local Community Newsletter, but he has no imagination. He’s a hack who can only write in one voice — he’s Salieri — I am Mozart for chrissakes.
I can easily hear the same “voice” in both the mother’s plaintiff email and the son’s woeful essay. In other words, as a writer, I am able to detect that both pieces of shit were written by the same piece of shit — catch on?
We writers have what we call a “voice.” Good ones — like me of course — know how to change that voice. Sure, anyone can switch over to making spelling errors and grammatical mistakes so as to sound like a kid or a different person, but the VOICE is still there. I am so good at changing my voice that I often have to convince editors in my real job that the stuff I submit is genuine.
The blogger I am talking about — the one with the sad, fake, gay teenager — does not have this ability. He simply knows how to put a story together. It’s like learning how to load the dishwasher — anybody with arms or hooks can do it.
The hand-wringing mother in this tale is a windbag – notwithstanding the fact that she is an imaginary character — because she not only went through her kid’s paperwork, she told the whole world, or the 50 people who read that blog, that she was shocked when she read her son’s essay where he talks about his gayness (yawn).
Here’s the thing, it’s a sappy sentimental letter sent to, or totally invented by, a blogger who posts stupid inspirational crap…even if it’s fake. He doesn’t care — he needs the traffic — who cares if the whole frigging story is a lie?
The picture of the kid is outrageously fake — I won’t even put up the picture — it is so fake that I pray the perky kid who posed for the picture was well paid because, believe me, it’s not a picture of the kid who wrote the essay about being gay. As a matter of fact, no kid wrote the essay. Again, the entire thing — the mother who wrote the story about the essay and the essay itself — was written by the same person. Both letters have the same voice. The whole things is poorly done because it’s all done so perfectly….or what an ordinary writer would consider to be perfect.
I am going to do one of these fake, maudlin, pitiful stories one day to prove how anyone can fake a story or a letter — I mean, I do it every day but I do it to be funny and I often get a riotous laugh out of it.
Let me give you an example of why some writers are good and some writers are bad and some writers are just average.
I often quote “experts” on my blog — people who don’t even exist — and still they get emails from TV morning shows and radio shows asking them to appear as guests. You might suggest that I am no better than the blogger who did this — WRONG! I do it it to be obviously stupid. I do not do it to manipulate and lie. The TV shows and radio producers who call upon my “experts” should be fired for being so stupid as to believe my experts.
So, think about it. If I can get mainstream press about something as crazy as Snooki working for the CIA, how easy would it be for someone to post some sappy and sentimental story about a poor, poor, gay kid who was forced out of the closet by a mean Christian teacher? Are you following me?
These crazy, Facebook sharers and those who enable them and encourage them are dangerous people because they are creating a race of internet morons who will believe anything.