Forget about the old days when the gay guy was the interesting guy — the artist, the writer, the designer, the talented kid in your high school drama club — okay not every gay guy is shiny and happy and bursting with love — but much of what gay men have achieved in the world is gradually being deconstructed by these swishy horror shows on the LOGO Channel’s “The A List New York.”
I think the producers saw all this uninteresting-ness developing after a few episodes, so they brought in what, in my opinion, appears to be a magical fag hag named Nyasha — but the problem is this — fag hags are not supposed to be all about themselves. The reason they become fag hags in the first place is because they have issues about self-esteem and self-worth. You don’t have to believe me. All you need do is to ask a psychiatrist or a psychologist. And don’t be afraid to say, “fag hag” — it’s not a “bigot” word.
Genuine fag hags are supposed to be comfortable pieces of bulky furniture who somehow fit nicely into a gay man’s small space. They either produce alcohol infused background noise or comforting, and self-effacing conversation. They do not promote their own businesses or talents or latest self-produced song. They simply have regular jobs and make regular money so that they can pay for the drinks when their gay friend is between retail store jobs. It’s rather sad actually.
Genuine fag hags do not present themselves as beautiful and glamorous, and they do not bestow titles upon themselves. They are content to sit idly by while their male companions masquerade as “Miss Africa” and “Miss Bowling Alley” and “Miss Nyack Oyster Festival ” — content in the acknowledge that their often hefty and fleshy shoulder-to-cry-on will eventually get the cold shoulder from her devotees as soon as some hot guy comes along.
With all that said, and in my humble opinion, the producers of the A list New York got it all terribly wrong when they tried with Nyasha to bring in some Green Mile magic. (If anybody knows the literary expression I am trying so hard not to use to describe Nyasha’s character niche, please send it as a comment so I am not wrongly accused of being a racist.) Nyasha is not a fag hag. She’s pretty. She can get men. It appears that she only hangs around gay men a lot because she’s on a TV show with them.
This is all wrong and it shows that the producers of the show do not know enough about gay culture. If anything, Nyasha, is the opposite of a fag hag. Why a show about bitchy gay friends now includes a young glamorous woman, is anybody’s guess. I certainly do not get the connection.
Nyasha is all about Nyasha — or at least the producers of the show make her appear to be self-centered. Maybe she’s a nice person but they leave that part on the cuttin room floor because nobody would watch. In my opinion she isn’t very interesting or very likeable or unusually talented as far as I can tell. Of course that sounds mean-spirited, but she has floated down into Gayland in a bubble under the guise of being a special something or a somebody we ought to know — but we don’t know her.
She looks like a shrunken head when she wears those atrocious wigs that make up her business– and that gives me the creeps. She lives in some kind of shrunken head dreamland where she has put herself on the hip side of the velvet rope.
She can’t sing very well, yet she had a “grand debut” of her “newest song” and tries to convince the world and her hangers-on that this was indeed a monumental moment in music history.
There ain’t no way on earth that this girl is a great talent — but then again the entire cast is talentless and loathsome so why should she be any different? That doesn’t make them bad people — it just makes them untalented.
Nyasha will probably never catch on as a celebrity – but god bless her soul – for a few years, as she fades into oblivion, she’ll make precious $1.99 appearances at gay bars. But wait, how can she do that when she is so busy with the stuff of promoting her wig business? The question is, how many wigs do you have to sell to stay on top as a young, hip and edgy entrepreneur?
In my opinion, the only business she seems to actually have is the business of promoting herself — and it’s time that business had a clearance sale.
In a word, and in my opinion, Nyasha is some kind of reality TV IMPOSTER. She’s supposed to be a fabulously successful business person and the rest of us are just socially inept and retarded for not already knowing who she is.
Another thing I would like to point out is that the dumbest of the dumb on The A List New York — the oft times whimpering, trailer-trashy, blubber-bellied, 5th string male-model who calls himself Austin Armacost — might not be so dumb after all. In spite of his dumbness, Austin is the only one on The A List who seems to be hip to Nyasha. For that he gets high marks from me — oh wait — I already called him a bunch of nasty names. Let’s just say that I am pleasantly surprised that he sees through Nyasha.
Trailer-trash people often have keen powers of perception — scientists believe it has something to do with the overhead power lines and the overall electromagnetic strength of living in an aluminum container. Remarkably, trailer trash gay men are even more perceptive than their straight counterparts. They’re all hip and sassy and all-knowing because they’re poor, and there’s no better vitamin for an intuition deficiency than being both broke and gay and then having to dig one’s self out of Hooterville.
And what is going on with Derek’s forehead — it is getting high and long. Most people would say that his hairline is receding, but I am certain that his head itself is getting higher, like a building under construction and each week they finish putting in a new floor. This is as it should be because a bigger head will allow more room for brain matter — and he certainly could do with a little of that.
To those who are kicking and screaming, allow me to say that I am not picking on them — oh sorry — I meant to say “bullying.” Ahem…I am not bullying them because they are gay. I am bullying them because they are boring and stupid and untalented and uninteresting — and now they have an African Queen — literally — to help them along the way.
I would appreciate your comments but kindly don’t talk down to me. I’ve been through enough without that.