“It amazes me that the producers of the Logo Channel show The A-List New York did not realize that the new cast member, a woman claiming to be Nyasha, was really a deranged shrunken head from the jungles of Brazil. Of course she had on a dress and some makeup, but all you had to do was look at her and know that she was a shrunken head. It was a horrifying close-call, and could have easily proven deadly.” [Dr. Sheldon Hartunis. Expert on South American civilization at The Amazonian Institute for Shrunken Head and Mummy Studies in LaPaz, Bolivia.]
According to the scientific community, the cast of the gay show, “The A-List New York” is calling her Nyasha, but anthropologists in South America and throughout the world are calling her the world’s only living shrunken head and they vow to capture her before she makes the show more sickening than it already is, and before she frightens some innocent person to death.
“The character of a tiny black woman that the sickening cast of The A-List New York have taken onto their reality show for no apparent reason, is actually a shrunken head that has escaped from a Peruvian anthropological institute,” said shrunken head expert, Dr. Sheldon-Hartunis.
“The shrunken head was used in an experiment where it was injected with stem cells from what later turned out to be a severely violent circus midget who died in 1957. The cell cultures have been kept frozen at the Peruvian Institute For Human Behavioral Studies and used in several experiments to preserve the skin integrity of the institutes collection of shrunken heads.”
According to Dr. Hartunis, the cells recently showed an acceleration of strength and when they were injected into the ugliest and most hideous of the shrunken heads, a body started to grow.
“We were astounded that a shrunken head could grow a body,” said Dr. Switchy. “But when the body started to live and breath and behave like a sassy black woman, we were equally astounded because the shrunken head was not that of a black woman. It was the shrunken head of an Amazon woman who has probably been dead for centuries.”
According to security tapes at the Peruvian Institute, the head escaped from the institute during a three-day Peruvian holiday weekend. The head bought a lace wig and put on some makeup and bought an airline ticket for NYC with money it stole from Banco Del Peruvia Credit Unionoso that keeps a small office at the institute.
“We knew immediately that the reality show character Nyasha, was the missing shrunken head when we saw an episode of The A-List New York,” said Dr. Hartunis.
“When she picked a fight with the paunchy and semi-retarded character Austin Armacost we were certain because she screamed violently, ‘I am a woman! You don’t touch a woman.’ This is similar to what she was saying when she was still developing from a shrunken head to a shrunken head with a living body.
“When I first examined the shrunken head who lives and breaths and calls herself Nyasha, as a developing creature, she lashed out at me and screamed, ‘I am a shrunken head! You do not touch a shrunken head!’ When I heard that awful, monstrous voice I knew the character known as Nyasha was our misssing shrunken head.”
The Logo channel which airs The A-List New York has agreed to return the shrunken head to the Peruvian Institute. Logo also promised to return Ryan Nickulas to the suckling pig farm from which he escaped and somehow managed to put himself through beauty school without being detected as a suckling pig. As a jesture of good will, the suckling pig farm has agreed not to kill Ryan Nickulas for use as spit roast meat since he has already grown to be a full-grown sow and maybe they will breed him or use him in their 4-H shows.