“It was a lot of work, but we think that the finished Mary Tyler Moore came out working and looking really well,” said Benjamin Switchy, the head of Robotic Technology at Reanimatron Celebrity Reconstruction, a company that fits old celebrities with new parts and keeps them alive indefinitely so that they can spend and enjoy all the millions of dollars they have accumulated over the years.
“We had a hard time putting Mary back together because she just got over brain surgery and she’s diabetic too, but her new brain and pancreas are working great. Her face needs to settle a little but she’ll be around for about two hundred, maybe three-hundred years. Shit, she has a lot of money she has to spend.”
Switchy’s team was a little upset that they had to use heavy ivory from a rhinoceros fossil to make Mary’s teeth, but the upside is that the teeth will outlive the other parts by millions of years and they can be re-used by charity patients many years from now.
“I feel great but my teeth are weighing me down a little,” said Mary from the argon and nitrogen enriched artificial atmosphere of her home in New York City.
“I will have to get a little physical therapy on my neck and shoulders to get used to the weight of the teeth. My real teeth were big and toothy but they were made of natural materials. These prosthetic teeth weigh 65-pounds, but if a little working out is all it’s going to take, I think I’m going to make it after all.”
Mary Tyler Moore is nearing her 85th birthday but you would never know that by looking at her. She still has a million dollar smile — only this time it’s also a million years old.