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Shirtless Anthony Weiner Pics Show: Weiner Needs Nipple Enhancement.

“He should have stuck with sending out pictures of his crotch because the shirtless pec pics show that he’s got no nipples.” said Sheldon Hartunis, an expert in Male Nipple Morphology and the head of Fetish Studies at The University of California’s School for Nutrition Science and Male Nipple studies.

“Weiner was probably lashing out at society and women in general because his nipple-less torso probably made him the brunt of many jokes as child growing up in a world where nipples are a sign of virility,” continued Hartunis. 

“Weiner grew up in the age of cover-boy ‘Fabio’ and throughout Weiner’s formative years, he had to look at rows upon rows of romance novels in the bookstore where male nipples were huge and protruding and commanded the attention of lusty women and curious men.  Certainly we can’t blame Anthony Weiner for his actions.  Imagine being the only kid on your block with no nipples and being never being able to have the pectual-niptual endowments of your childhood idol, Fabio.  It must have been devastating for him.”

TheDamienZone has learned from an undisclosed source that Anthony Weiner has applied for admission to a German hospital that does nipple transplants.  The hospital in Munich is run by one of the world’s leading experts in nippleology and male nipple cosmetics.

“We are planning to do nipple transplant on Mr. Weiner,” said Dr. Fritz Langmeyer, the head surgeon at the Munich Hospital for Male Nipple Enhancement and Replacement.

“We will use the nipples from a cadaver — hopefully a young and well-nippled young man who enjoyed his nipples and will be happy that they went on to survive him and provide pleasure to another human being even if he happens to be a Jew.”

See, Folks.  You never know why people do the strange things they do and we shouldn’t be so quick to chalk things up to partisan politics.  It’s just like the Gabby Giffords thing where people were all ready to jump on some kind of political cause and blame her shooting on dirty politics.  In the end it turned out that she was shot by a lunatic who isn’t even mentally competent to stand trial — imagine what else that psycho would have done if,  on top of being a schizophrenic, he alo happened to have no nipples — it’s frightening.

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