“Snooki, the sub-human Jersey Shore mutant has been sentenced to 30-days in jail by an Italian civil court judge who revoked her international driver’s license and ordered her deported after her prison term is up,” said an undisclosed source close to the courthouse. “She is a disgrace to the USA and thank God she isn’t really of Italian ancestry.”
That remark alluded to the fact that Snooki is some kind of Aztec or something who was adopted by Italian-Americans as an infant who was found strapped to a runaway llama high in the Andes Mountains of Peru.
TheDamienZone.com has been unable to verify this fact, but it was previously noted by Italian Foreign Ministry insiders that Snooki and her gang were NOT WANTED in Italy and now that she has injured two police officers the Italian authorities want her to stay in Italy — but only to do the 30 days in jail.
“Snooki fled to the American Embassy and pleaded to former US President Jimmy Carter to save her,” said a source close to the embassy.
Allegedly, Jimmy Carter is very friendly with Snooki ever since she donated all of her earnings from speaking at Rutgers University to Habitat For Humanity.
“Snooki told President Carter that the Italians were blood-thirsty and greasy animals,” continued the source. “She pleaded with him to send a blackhawk helicopter to whisk her away from Italy, but Carter has had pretty bad luck with helicopter rescues and he had to beg off and blame Snooki’s problems on past Presidents. Snooki was pleading for her freedom but Carter was going on and on about all the other Presidents and how bad they were compared to him. He really was a jerk to Snooki.”
It seems, according to sources, that Snooki pissed of an Italian judge by walking around Florence with a neck brace after the accident but then she boldly took the brace off and waved it at photographers. You see, in Italy people have dignity and laws to support that dignity. She’s not in the USA where any mutant or miscreant can do something really vulgar and be rewarded for it – good for her that she had to learn that lesson the hard way.