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David Oreck Vacuum Infomercials to end soon?

The sleepy protesters have grown angrier by the hour as they protest outside the Florida home of infomercial vacuum huckster, David Oreck, owner of the Oreck Vacuum Company.  The crowd is growing larger and last night a vacuum cleaner was burned on Oreck’s front lawn after an air purifier was flung through a window.

“I’ll be sound asleep with the volume on low and then suddenly I’m  jarred from my sleep by the sound of a vacuum cleaner,” said Madeline Aremmo, 87,  of Fort Meyers who runs the local church charities and collects money for homeless children across the world.

“The intentionally crank up the goddam volume of the infomercials to ruin our sleep and make us sit up like fucking zombies and watch this old douche bag and his vacuum and his fucking air purifiers.  When the fuck is he going to die for chrissakes?  I’m eighty-seven and I have three new heart valves, an artificial hip and kidney failure and this guy who is as old as me is on the fucking goddam TV with some young chick and they’re selling 8-pound vacuums.  Now how the fuck can an 8-pound vacuum suck up anything — Jesus H. Christ!”

Areemmo’s anger is pretty much the norm in this crowd of over 10,000 who want to see Oreck resign from power and leave TV forever.   Oreck has been besieged by complaints about not only his high volume commercials, but he is also hated for his unsavory business practices where he promises to let the buyer use the vacuum for 90 days.  He claims he will buy it back if you don’t like it.  It seems that the people who didn’t like it aren’t satisfied with his guarantee.  See this list http://www.consumeraffairs.com/health/oreck.html

Oreck is himself eighty-seven years old and for years he has done his own infomercials where the volume is jacked up to the highest level when the stations programming ends and the infomercial begins.

“A lot of people like to sleep with the light sound of the TV in the background,”  said Dr. Louis Nesta of the Tampa Bay Institute for Sleep Studies and Near Death Experiences.  “The cable channels, and often the networks, will work in cahoots with the infomercial by cranking up the volume of their audio band.  You might fall asleep barely able to hear Joey Lawrence and Melissa Joan Hart talking about Joey Lawrence’s latest hair transplant, but suddenly you hear the roar of an Oreck  vacuum or an air purifying machine.  Several people have died from cardiac arrest and I feel the protesters are justified to do what hey are doing.”

The current situation is a lot more explosive than last year’s riot at Jack LaLanne’s house.  His juicer commercials were keeping people up at night, but none of the protesters seemed to notice that LaLanne’s actual appearances were from several years prior.  He wasn’t juicing anything.  He could barely work up a good spit.  Then it came out that he was dead.  TheDamienZone has noticed that David Oreck’s commercials are getting older and there has not been an actual new Oreck sighting in years.   Catch on?  Read this about LaLanne: http://thedamienzone.com/2010/07/14/scientists-claim-jack-lalannes-one-piece-jumpsuit-is-keeping-him-alive/

Soon you will be able to sleep and sleep and sleep — but then Gary Collins will wake you up and Suzanne Sommers — and the ab rolling people — it will never end, so shut off your fucking TV and stop complaining and wait for the grim reaper to suck these people away into an 8 pound hell.

4 Comments
  1. You Morons! Turn off your TV’s and goto sleep. If the commercial wakes you up you should turn it off – turn on the radio if you want sound!! Dipshit!

  2. Hey! The only moron around here is me.

    Damien

  3. Damien, you have a lot of your facts wrong. For one, I have no control over how loud our TV is. The second, I live in New Orleans, so I guess some poor sole got a broken window thanks to you. But looking at the bright side, the poor sole got an Oreck Air Purifier and Vacuum out of the deal.
    David Oreck

  4. Mr. Oreck — the story is kind of a joke, Mr. Oreck – and I am not sure if this is an insult to my comedy or a testament to your product’s quality, but all the emails I received were complaints about your company and your vacuums. As for me, I thought my silly story was actually a tribute to you — I do not have an Oreck vacuum because it’s to high-end for my budget — and of course I am aware that you don’t crank up the volume — the TV stations do that.
    Damien

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