“I was clubbing last month at some place in London,” said 49-year-old star of MTV’s JERSEY SHORE, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. “I met this chick named Kate and we hooked up at the hot tub in the Tower of London. She was okay but just as she was having her orgasm, she started screaming out the name William. I told her that my name was Mike and she said that she was sorry and that she was going to marry Prince William soon and that she just wanted to have one more hot Guido before the wedding.”
So that’s how it happened. Kate is going down the aisle at Westminster Abbey or wherever the fuck it is that those fuckers get married, and she is going to have a scone in the oven. What will Queen Elizabeth do when she is blessed with a Guido grandchild? What will she do when the kid is living at Balmoral and on his 17th birthday he asks grandma for a Chevy Camaro with spinner hubcaps.
“I do not intend to consider this Guido baby to be my grandchild,” said the Queen in a statement to the press. “the child shall be put to work in the stables and cared for, but the second baby, the one that will actually be fathered by my grandson William will be the royal heir. I do not want Snooki or any of those horrible little people from Seaside Heights to ever set foot in Buckingham Palace — especially in flip flops.”
It seems that the Queen’s logic is faulty. If the child that Kate is carrying is born whilst she is married to Prince William, that child shall be in line for the thrown. He will be named Prince Rocco or perhaps Prince Mike “the blade” Sorrentino-Windsor. That is the law according to the British constitutional monarchy. The queen better get used to making manicotti — or Monny-gawts as the Guiods like to say.
There are rumours that Snooki had something to do with the fertilization of Kate’s egg although the fetus is not believed to be an Australopithicus like Snooki. She has been sterilized by the CIA and now goes around only believeing that she is spreading her DNA.
“The royal family has nothing further to say at the current time,” said one of the faggy royal family hangers on. “They will welcome young Prince Mike “the blade” Sorrentino-Windsor and his abs. They also said that Prince Harry, while he might not have The Situation’s 8-pack, he does have a nice pair of cum gutters — and they are hard to get.”
The guys who hang around the queen love guys with cum getters and pasty complexions. It’s a gay British thing. Whatever!