“Snooki and I had a great two weeks,” said Joey Lawrence as a make-up man sprinkled black powder on his head to create the illusion that his bald head is actually a full head of shaved hair. “We flushed Randy Quaid into and then out of Canada and that was all we were supposed to do. I wish Snooki the best of luck in all her future endeavors.”
Snooki is not taking this in stride.
Snooki is an Australopithecus — a primitive humanoid creature,” said Dr. Ross Rossi of the New York Anthropological Institute. “These primitive beings take marriage seriously. Even though Snooki does not totally understand the concept of marriage, her species is aware of mating and seasonal gestation. If Snooki has conceived, she will stalk Joey Lawrence and make his life miserable. Her species has been known to kill their males if they fail to help with the infant from the previous breeding season.”