“I was so proud of my first wild catch, but I just couldn’t eat him,” said singer turned seabird, Barry Manilow.
“I was flying over John F. Kennedy International airport because I was visiting my mother on Long Island. I looked down and I saw this fish jump out of an airplane and I caught it with my shiny new talons right in midair. It is so cool to be a seabird. You have no idea.”
While Barry the Bird may have snagged himself a fish, the fish thinks that he may have snagged himself a man. They say that nature provides and could you think of a better example than this? The trouble is that Barry thinks one thing and his prey thinks another.
“I was sliding my way into fame when all of a sudden I was pulled into the air by razor-sharp talons,” said two weeks ago’s news, airline stewardess, Steven Slater. “I thought an eagle or a big old hawk had got me, but when I looked up I saw that it was Barry Manilow.
“I had been reading TheDamienZone.com so I knew that he had recently transformed himself into a bird and I recognized him from the pictures. He held me so tight and we flew over the Statue of Liberty — it was so romantic.”
“At First I thought he was trying to swallow me, but then I realized that he was just showing affection for me. Isn’t he dreamy? “
While Slater may be smitten with his new bird boy, Manilow has a different take on this.
“I was indeed trying to swallow him,” squawked Manilow. “He was just too fat to get down my throat.”
Oddly this is something Manilow has said quite a few times — even before he became a bird.
“I plan to keep him at my mother’s until I can eat him,” continued Manilow. “My mother always wants what’s best for me and she knows that I could choke. So she is going to slim him down, and when he is thin enough she’ll call me. We will have some guys throw him out of the senior citizens high rise window and I will swoop down and gulp him up.”
Steven Slater thinks he is staying with his new mother-in-law while Barry is busy touring in the Galapagos Islands.
“He even put me up with his mother at her beautiful penthouse,” said Slater. “This place is fab and as soon as he gets back from the tour we are going to have a romantic wedding on the beach in Fire Island. “
Dr. Sigmund Bern, of the Human and Bird Interaction Society has looked into this case and offered TheDamienZone.com his opinion.
“Of course Mr. Slater has concocted this romance in his head,” said Dr. Bern. “His petrified mind simply will not accept the fact that Barry the Bird merely wants to eat him. It is a defense mechanism his brain has created to keep him from realizing that he is not only a hunted animal, he is being held captive by his hunter’s mother. This is a very common phenomenon in nature and we saw it with Sigourney Weaver in the Alien movie trilogy. “Eventually Steven Slater will accept his fate.”
So, while he may have been the Stewardess Who Got Away, he might not be so free after all. He’s holed up in some old lady’s high-rise and kept on a strict diet.
Environmentalist are warning that they will take swift legal action against anyone who tries to sneak food to Slater so that he will stay chunky and render him impossible for Barry the Bird to swallow.
“Nobody better come near my house,” yelled Mrs. Manilow, 101, of Center Moriches. “It’s bad enough that my son has turned himself into a fakakta bird or something and now I have to keep bait in my house. Where did I go wrong? Can you tell me? Where did I go wrong?”
Barry the Bird will return from his tour of the Galapagos on September 20th. We will keep you informed.
This post is`nt remotely funny. Before you poke fun; maybe you should get some facts right.
Barry Manilows mother passed away years ago.
There are jokes and then there are jokes.
This one is in very bad taste.
We are pleased to anoounce that Angel is our new policewoman. She will patrol the internet in defense of the dead who get mentioned as though they were living. Angel, go to a bake sale or something, okay? That’s just about your speed. If you happen to be a man, my deepest condolences to your parents be they living or dead.
Also, Angel is a Yorkie so you have to knock off a few IQ points.
She is right about one thing. this post is completely stupid and not funny in the least
Sam, maybe you oughta go out and play golf or something. Better yet, you should go back and read earlier parts of the Barry The Bird story. It is not Barry Manilow, it is Barry The Bird.
Wow. It’s not like you said he had a teeny peeny, or anything nasty like that.
I left out the horrible details about the teeny peeny. You know what they say about birds with big feet, right? We are talking about a fictional character you stupid asses! Thank you Pierre for understanding my plight and the plight of all people who have to write about singers who become birds.
Maybe musicians can band together – sorta like birds of a feather, if you will – and have a telethon to address this tragic disease. Can you imagine what Mick Jagger would look like if he were attacked by this plight? He’s rough enough looking already.
Mick Jagger is going to convert to an Angler Fish — he is waiting for his head lure on a stalk to come in from the factory.
Angel is right.Barry Manilow’s mother died back in 1994 of lung cancer.She battled lung cancer between 1987 and 1994.The last time Barry Manilow talked to his mother it was on the telephone between N.Y.C. and Los Angeles.(Barry Manilow lived at 800 Tortuoso Way in Los Angeles back then).He used to fly back and forth between Los Angeles and N.Y.C. when she was sick to see her in the hospital back then.She died when he was back in Los Angeles and he couldn’t get back to N.Y.C. in time before she died.So Barry Manilow last spoke to his mother over the telephone. Barry Manilow’s life is factually documented at http://WWW.Manilow-World.com.Btw,I called Jeanie Lucas Honig back in Aug.2012(from a pay phone in the back of the downtown,Ouelette St. library in Windsor,Ont.Can.)& I spoke to her for at least half an hour.She changed her story about Barry Manilow.She said that they only went to ONE gay bar & it was with friends.She talked about the situation like it wasn’t even Barry Manilow’s idea to go to the gay bar.She talked about the situation like he just tagged along with a bunch of friends.She said NOTHING about him picking up any gay men or having any gay relationships.Also Jeannie Lucas Honig told me that SHE REJECTED BARRY MANILOW AND HE DIDN’T REJECT HER.This makes sense because Barry Manilow was an ugly looking boy at the time with short black hair and a big nose.There’s a picture online at Google images of Barry Manilow and Jeanie Lucas Honig taken when they worked together some time around 1968.This proves that Barry Manilow was an ugly looking boy at the time with short blak hair and a big nose.Not some hot looking guy who could “Have any girl under his spell” like Jeanie Lucas Honig originally told Patricia Butler.During my phone conversation with Jeanie Lucas Honig she wasn’t nervous at all untill I began making references to what she told Patricia Butler.The Jeanie Lucas Honig began getting very nervous.Looking back on this conversation I realize that Jeanie Lucas Honig became nervous because she had lied to Patricia Butler.Jeanie Lucas Honig and her husband Harold Honig( a now deceaced proffessional actor) began to see the fact that Jeannie Lucas Honig had worked with Barry Manilow as something to exploit to get money and their 15 minutes of fame.Barry Manilow had dumped both of them by the time Patricial Butler called them some time around the year 2000.Barry Manilow had dumped Jeanie Lucas Honig and her husband and left them in poverty.Their house was forclosed on.The records of this are online.Barry Manilow had gone on to spectacular fame and fortune and Jeannie Lucas Honig and her husband were abandoned and left in poverty.Harold Honig was sick and dying by that time.Jeanie Lucas Honig was very sick when I called her on the phone last summer.Anyway she and her husband began to see the fact that Jeanie Lucas Honig had worked with Barry Manilow as a situation to exploit to get money and their 15 minutes of fame.So they sold the letter that Barry Manilow gave to them for their wedding and they also sold the picture of Barry Manilow and Jeanie Lucas singing together.You cant find pictures of these items online.Also,Jeanie Lucas Honig and her husband wanted get their 15 minutes of fame out of the situation.So Jeanie Lucas Honig lied to Patricia Butler because if she told the truth about what happened there the press would never have picked up the story (it’s not notorious enough) & they wouldn’t have got their name and pictures in the press. Jeanie Lucas Honig’s husband Harold Honig was a professional actor.That GUARANTEES that he’s “fame game”(the sort of person who values fame).Jeanie Lucas Honig “pulled status” on me.She said “And who are you?”(Meaning “What is your status?” This shows that Jeanie Lucas Honig is status conscious and “fame game.”Of course the quick way to gain status is to get your name in the press.But how was she to do this? Answer.: sell a notorious story about a very famous person to the press.But what if you dont have anything notorious to tell? Answer.: MAKE SOMETHING UP.And that’s just what Jeanie Lucas Honig did.But when I called her last summer she DID come clean about the whole situation.I have caught SEVERAL people making up lies about very famous people just to get their name in the press.(Witness that girl who lied and said she had Justin Bieber’s baby just to get on the cover of Star Magazine.Justin Bieber gave a DNA test and PROVED she was lying.I have found SEVERAL cases of people who’ve made up lies about very famous people just to get their names in the press.I can give you all the proof you want about that.If you want to see that proof just email.:StrengthJustice9@Yahoo.com and I’ll give you all the proof you want about that.Also you should know that people who know about that type of thing have been doing that type of thing for many,many years. I will take a lie detector test and/or FMRI brain scan to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that I’m telling the truth about what Jeanie Lucas Honig told me on the telephone back in Aug.2012.If you want to know more about FMRI & lie detection just Google:FMRI and lie detection.I read an article about this in Canadian Reader’s Digest magazine. About Lee Gurst: Lee Gurst is ALSO A “fame game” person who would lie to get his name in the press.Lee Gurst is a former friend of Lorna Luft’s.That GUARANTEES he’s “fame game.Lee Gurst is an enemy of Barry Manilow’s.Barry Manilow fired Lee Gurst back in 1985 & now Lee Gurst hates Barry Manilow.If you Google.:How to tell if someone’s lying,you’ll find articles that state that “A liar never gives any details you can check out.”Notice that Jeanie Lucas Honig & Lee Gurst BOTH GIVE NO DETAILS THAT CAN BE CHECKED OUT when they spoke to Patricia Butler.Also the second sign of a lie is a discrepancy.NOT ONE OTHER GIRL WHO EVER DATED AND HAD SEX WITH BARRY MANILOW EVER CLAIMED THAT HE REJECTED HER.THAT’S A DISCREPANCY WITH WHAT JEANIE LUCAS HONIG TOLD PATRICIA BUTLER.Also if you want to know why Barry Manilow REALLY married his first wife Susan Diexler just Google.:The Barry Manilow Story.Here you’ll find a picture of Barry Manilow and Susan Deixler “making out” in high school.Barry Manilow talked about the situation like Susan Deixler wouldn’t “go all the way” unless they were married.So Barry Manilow married her just to lose his virginity.When you Google.:The Barry Manilow Story you’ll find a picture of Barry Manilow and Susan Deixler “making out “in high school.Then Barry Manilow went on to marry Susan Deixler because she wouldn’t “go all the way” unless they were married.Honestly,does this picture of Barry Manilow and Susan Deixler “making out” in high school look like it lead to “A marriage that was never consumated?” OBVIOUSLY NOT. Barry Manilow is 70 years old as I write this and NOT ONE GAY MAN HAS COME FORWARD WITH THE SLIGHTEST PROOF THAT HE EVEN DATED BARRY MANILOW.AND NO ONE WOULD REMAIN QUIET IF THEY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE AS FAMOUS AS BARRY MANILOW. (P.S. if you want to know what Barry Manilow’s REALLY like sexually just check out “Me and my Shadows” by Lorna Luft.She practically LIVED WITH Barry Manilow for six months back in 1971.She says she “spent many nights with Barry Manilow back then in his apartment on the west side of N.Y.C..She said she had a “passionate affair “with Barry Manilow back then.She described the situation in IDEAL terms.She said NOTHING about him being gay,having gay boyfriends or going to gay bars.Lorna Luft was practically LIVING WITH Barry Manilow for six months back in 1971.Every fact that Lorna Luft states about this six month affair completely checks out with other U.S. public records.Also Lorna Luft told the press in the past year or so that “She still has to work to pay bills.”That wouldn’t be the case if she were receiving “hush money” from Barry Manilow.
BORING LONG STUPID COMMENT!