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TIGER WOODS FEARS: “Rory Mcllroy is a real life leprechaun.”

RORY THE LEPRECHAUN GOLFER

Most people who follow a rainbow find a pot of gold, but luck has been bad for Tiger Woods lately and when he followed a rainbow to its source, he found a leprechaun — an ugly one with golf clubs.  The leprechaun calls itself Rory Mcllroy and boy is it ugly!

“It scared the shit out of me,” said Woods from an emergency room in Belfast where he was suffering from shock and hyperventilation.  “Since the whole thing with the chicks and everything, I try to find diversions to keep my mind pure.  So lately I have been following rainbows and when I followed one here in Northern Ireland, I got the shock of my life. ”

Sources say that not only was the leprechaun unnattractive, it was a bit shapeless and a tad  blubbery too — but wait, it gets even worse.  The shapeless blob from Northern Ireland is a famous golfer and has even gone so far as to challenge Tiger to a match.

“I mean, this was a little nuts,” continued Woods.  “Growing up I was okay with orange hearts, yellow moons and green clovers but that was a fucking cereal, dudes.  This is a real life leprechaun.  That little leprechaun nearly gave me a heart attack!”

Rory the leprechaun chuckled because he frightened Tiger Woods and also because leprechauns giggle for no real reason. 

“Oh that poor laddie,” chuckled Rory Mcllroy. “He saw me and nearly shit his wee pants with a wee bit of yee old she-ite.  I should be nice and send him a four leaf clover and some gold coins.  I don’t think it was my leprechaun-ness that scared the wee laddie.  I think it was because I am so pasty and shapeless.  Maybe also he can see into my brain because my nostrils point up so far.”

In any event, the little leprechaun is doing well as a golfer and now he wants to play against Tiger. 

“I know that chicks will not bang me the way I am,”  said Rory the leprechaun.  “But if I beat Tiger Woods I might get some Icelandic or Norwegian sex.  We leprechauns call those kinds of lassies sprites and sylphs and succubi, and they never fuck little guys like me — and you have to know that I have me self a wee  bit of a  man tool.  I have the wee Irsh curse, laddies.  That goes without question.”

4 Comments
  1. Rory is so f’ing ugly. Fun how the cameras never zoom in on him. He is seriously hideous. Golf is in trouble if they are trying to market this eyesore as the future of golf

  2. I agree, rory is the ugliest dude I’ve ever seen. How can the show this guy on TV. I want to puke when I see his ugly freckled face.

  3. He’s magically delicious — always after me Lucky Charms!

  4. Fret not, Johnny — Rory is not the future of golf, he is the future of leprechauns.
    damien

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