The scaffolding being erected around Leonardo DiCaprio’s head is not being done by carpenters as one would assume. Rather, it’s being assembled by a team of neurosurgeons who are desperately trying to stop DiCaprio’s over-sized cranium from lifting off and falling onto his shoulders. or perhaps shooting off into space.
“If the top of his gigantic head should seperate it could fall onto his shouders,” said Dr. Falko Strenz of the Hospital For Advanced Huge Head Studies. “No matter whicc way it falls it could tear away pieces of his brain and that could prove fatal. Currently we are securing around the perimeter of the head and sealing the developing fissures with a new Epoxy called MIGHTY PUTTY. It’s not very expensive but the shipping and handling is where they get you.”
While Dr. Strenz is conservatively concerned, other doctors see this developing fissure and the continued enlargement of DiCaprio’s cranium as a recipe for disaster.
“His head could just come off and shoot into the sky at over 600 miles per hour,” said Dr. Myrtle Hazel. “The head is so huge that we don’t know what could happen to anyone within an 18 mile radius. There could be lava in there for chrissakes!”
Nobody knows what has caused Leonardo DiCaprio’s cute little head from transforming into a giant disaster in the making, but the doctors work diligently into the night applying layer upon layer of Mighty Putty.
“We think it might hold,” said one Dr. Anthony Sullivan. “It worked oon my towel holders and a few tiles in my bathroom. we need only to keep Leo calm and relaxed until the putty hardens which can take up to six weeks.