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TV CHEF LYDIA BASTIANICH SAYS, “BRENDAN FRASER AND ELENA KAGAN WERE SEPERATED AS CHILDREN.”

WHOEVER SAID THAT A HAIR TRANSPLANT LOOKS LIKE ROWS OF CORN didn’t ever conjure up the notion that someday a hair transplant would rejoin a long lost pair of siblings.  Such is the case with actor Brendan Fraser and that Supreme Court thingy Elena Kagan.

“As I was doing the transplant on Brendan Fraser I started to notice something strange,” said Dr. Bosley Beasley of the Bosley Hair Transplant and Second Mortgage Clinic.  “The more hair I added to the balding Fraser, the more he started to look like the balding Elena Kagan.”

Dr. Beasley, who is not above splitting hairs, called a local adoption agency and sure enough there was a record of two siblings being seperated over forty years ago and one was named Brendan and the other was Elena.  Further investigation revealed that the woman who gave away the children was balding TV chef, Lydia Bastianich. 

“I was losing my hair and there was ravioli all over my kitched,” cried Bastianich on The Today Show.  “I had to get rid of the kids because they were in the way and I needed the room for the slaves who work for me.  Sure I thought about them but as soon as my cooking show took off I forgot all about them.   I’m glad that they both went on to become successful people but my pasta always comes first.”

Now that Brendan is balding and chunky and no longer a young  hunk, the resemblance to his frightening biological sister and mother has become apparent.  The good news is that Brendan’s hair transplants have worked and he now has twice as much hair as his biological sister and a thousand times more hair than his Uncle Fester-ish biological mother who has  none.  She’s even starting to put thin spaghetti on her head.

“I always wanted to be a pale blond,” said Bastianich from her floury kitchen in Connecticut.  “So far I have had a few first and second degree burns on my head but as long as I go easy on the garlic, I seem to attract men a lot more than I used to. 

3 Comments
  1. I LOVE BRENDEN FRASER AND HIS SISTER Elena Kagan then are very famous there mother Lydia Bastianich she a witch cold take family only care about some of your kids they never said anything about i will never watch her again

  2. You are a lyin’ piece of shit damien. Somebody should take you out.

  3. OXFORD, MASS POLICE HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED ABOUT POTENTIAL THREAT TO LIFE AND PROPERTY FROM INTERNET CORESPONDENT USING THE NAME ‘ALEZANDER’ – DISPATCH # 08-789-OL-MASS-88288

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